


trichophilia

by chibitalex



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: Forgive Me, M/M, im kanoshin trash, im still such kanoshin trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 08:30:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3643572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibitalex/pseuds/chibitalex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shuuya really, really likes having his hair touched.</p>
            </blockquote>





	trichophilia

**Author's Note:**

> i don't like using archive warnings but i will tell you
> 
> nsfw in the middle. warning for kuroha and everything associated with kuroha.
> 
> anyway im in kanoshin hell. i have never left.
> 
> request over @ http://rxxshintaro.tumblr.com

         “You know how I feel... about you... right...?”

“Hm? How you feel about me?” Shuuya perked up a bit, head tipping up from his magazine, his expression only slightly curious, but his body unconsciously leaning out of his chair and stiffening.

Shintaro had decoded him. It had taken some time, but he had done it. Shuuya never took body language into account when he was using his ability. He could hide his scars, his expression, but he never realised how his body would mimic his true feelings.

Long story short, the blond was obviously interested in what he had to say, even if his facial expression didn't show it.

 

 

"I..." Shintaro had practiced this for hours in front of a mirror earlier. But now he was tripping over his own tongue, and damn it all to hell, this wasn't going well at all.

"I like you. Shuuya. I like you."

"I like you too, Shin! Even if you're a loser. Which you are- just saying!" The other boy grinned.

Shintaro furrowed his brows. Either Shuuya was really that oblivious, or he was just pretending to not understand. But the other was much too smart to not comprehend what exactly he was getting at, so he pressed on again, his words only slightly steadier than before.

"No, I like you. I like like you."

"I like like you, too! We're such good friends, after a-"

"I know you know what I mean...!" He stood up abruptly, putting both of his trembling hands on the boy's shoulders. "I want to be your boyfriend...!"

The sudden silence permeated the room. Shintaro's words nearly bounced off the walls as he stared down at Shuuya, who had abandoned his eye ability (perhaps out of shock), in favour of bright red cheeks and a panic ridden expression that sort of reminded him of a deer in headlights.

He could nearly hear Ayano chastising him from heaven, or wherever she was now. And he wouldn't blame her; he had gone out of his way to woo her little brother, and he had done it with such a lack of tact that even Haruka would feel second hand embarrassment at the scene.

"Boy... Boyfriend...? A-Ah, but we're already friends who are boys, so..." Shuuya stuttered out after a rather long few seconds, to which Shintaro simply hung his head and fell to his knees.

"Please... Please, don't do this to me..." His heart was beating faster and faster by the second, any more stalling from Shuuya would probably make him explode, or something equally as awful. "You know what I mean..."

There was another long pause before the other finally spoke up.

"You really want something like that?" Shuuya murmured, his eyes darting off to the side somewhere. "If you just want to date someone, then I probably wouldn't be the best option..."

Shintaro's temporary excitement at the other's words had quickly faded at the latter part of Shuuya's words.

"No. I want to date you, Shuuya," He said, his conviction surprisingly solid.

"... Okay... If you want.... then, maybe... We could try, I guess..." Shuuya muttered. It was sort of funny how his voice was getting progressively quieter as they spoke, not at all like how he acted in front of others, but Shintaro couldn't be bothered to focus on the details. He said yes, he said yes, he said yes, Shuuya was his boyfriend, his boyfriend, his boyfriend...!

"Hey, say something..." Shuuya nagged quietly, his voice just barely a whisper now. "You're being really quiet, and you kind of look like you're about to pass out, Shin."

"That's because I am."

"What?!"

Shintaro laughed, his small chuckles bouncing off the walls, replacing the silence. Slowly, he pulled his head up and rested it against the boy's forehead, bringing his hands up to card his fingers through the boy's hair.

"I'm just joking... Kind of... You scared me, though..." Shintaro said, pushing pieces of Shuuya's hair back as he spoke. He didn't notice how red Shuuya's face was getting until he pulled back and examined him.

Shuuya cleared his throat before speaking again.

"I didn't mean to! You got me worked up too, you know...!"

"Shut up, you weren't the one whose heart beating so fast that I thought it was going to explode..." Shintaro plopped down on the couch next to him, tipping his head back and placing his wrist on his forehead. "I'm worn out..."

Shuuya was silent for a moment before some movement on the couch indicated that he was apparently scooting closer towards him, not that he could see it.

"Hey... Shin, you know how you just pet my hair...?"

"Mm?"

He cleared his throat.

"Can you keep doing that?"

Shintaro sat up, narrowing his eyes, before tentatively reaching out his hand, his fingers brushing against Shuuya's soft bangs and tucking a piece of stray hair behind his ear. Though really, all of Shuuya's hair consisted of stray pieces, as the boy didn't really have a shape to it- it just fell wherever it wanted to, and somehow looked like was intentional. Still, the other greatly relaxed beneath his fingertips, his eyes closing as he curled up close next to Shintaro and sighed.

Shintaro's eyes widened a bit before he pulled his fingers away, only for Shuuya to look back up at him with a somewhat annoyed expression and a grunting sound that was clearly pushing him to stroke his hair again.

So he did, because he really couldn't ever bring himself to say no to the boy leaning up against him.

Shuuya immediately relaxed, his eyes closing once more as he yawned.

It was just about then that Shintaro realised that he might have a gift. Some sort of special power that he held in the palm of his hand. Shuuya might be able to disguise himself with countless lies and costumes, but he had something even greater.

He could touch Shuuya's hair and completely relax him in one single motion.

"I have so much power."

That was the first time.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Two weeks later, he tried it again, this time in public.

"Hey, Shin! Do you like this one?" Shuuya held up a giant sweater, much too big for his small frame.

Shintaro briefly glanced over at the boy, who was grinning like he had just seen the light of day for the first time. His smile was too bright, much too bright. It nearly blinded him.

Turning away from the other, his lips quirked up in response.

"I don't know. It's a little big for you..."

"Hah? No, no, see! This is the right size! I like big, fluffy things! This is big, right? And take a look," He reached forward to run Shintaro's hand along the fabric, which actually was pretty soft. "And see? Fluffy! So, I was thinking, I'd get this and then when we get home, we could watch a movie or something. While I'm wearing this. Because it's fluffy," Shuuya finally finished, bobbing his head excitedly. Looking over his excited boyfriend, Shintaro's soft smile only widened a bit. He couldn't really help it. Lifting his free hand up to the other's face, he gently pinched his cheek, tugging on it slightly.

"Huh? Hey, Shin, what's that for?" Shuuya puffed his cheeks, smacking the boy's hand off of his face.

"Ah, no it's nothing... you're just being silly again, that's all," He hummed, tentatively placing his hand on top of the boy's head and ruffling his hair gently, noting with great pleasure as the boy nearly melted under him, his eyes immediately shutting and his cheeks flushing a faint pink as his hair was rearranged to his boyfriend's liking.

"If you do that to me in public, I'm probably going to explode..." Shuuya murmured, rocking back and forth on his feet. "Yeah, I'm definitely going to explode... Sorry."

Seemingly unaffected by the other's words, the boy continued stroking Shuuya's hair, ignoring the stares from the other customers surrounding them. And there were quite a bit, but although the thought of people observing him made him want to run off to his bed and hide under the covers, he'd rather be out in public with Shuuya than alone at home.

"You seem so happy..." Shintaro said in a rather hushed tone, looking him over. He was still using his ability, as he still couldn't see the scars and bags that he knew were camouflaged underneath his perfectly giddy appearance, but that was to be expected. And he really didn't mind. But on the other hand, his entire body was practically bouncing along with every single word he spoke, and his naturally stunning eyes were alight with a fire that he had rarely ever seen before.

"Ahah..." Shuuya chuckled to himself, his face heating up as he averted his eyes, looking off into space somewhere. "Maybe I am. I didn't really notice."

"Really?" Shintaro narrowed his eyes slightly. "You seem a lot different..."

"Not a lot different! I'm just acting..."

"You're just acting...?"

The boy stalled temporarily before answering.

"I think I'm just acting normal," He said finally, his voice low, but his tone steady. "I think this is just how I normally am. You know... Without the eyes, or anything. I'm just Shuuya."

Shintaro couldn't help how the smile grew on his face, threatening to overtake his entire being, before he leaned down and pressed their lips together.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

"Do you have the flowers?"

"Yeah. Do you have the cranes?"

"Mhm. Let's go."

"Should we walk?"

"You get carsick, don't you? Let's walk. It's not that far."

And without another word, they were walking to Ayano.

They had chosen to be alone. Not that they didn't come with everyone in the morning, even with the members of the group that didn't know her personally came- Ayano was Ayano. She was their leader. She was their founder, their rock. Ayano was everything.

But now it was sunset, and they were going back.

The early November air brushed against Shintaro's cheek, and he unconsciously shrugged up his red jacket closer to him for warmth. It would be much warmer if he was wearing his black hoodie, but Shuuya had fallen asleep in it earlier today, and he couldn't bring himself to ask for it back when they left. Not that he ever really asked for his clothes back. That was how they seemed to work nowadays- Shuuya would borrow something, fall asleep in it, and Shintaro would fall in love with the baggy clothing covering his small form. He was too cute, always too cute, but somehow even cuter in the oversized clothes. He would wake up later, disheveled and sleepy, and Shintaro would kiss him until he was laughing and blushing in embarrassment.

None of that had happened today, however.

With a brief glance at the other, he noted with a pang of sadness the slump in the boy's shoulders, the heavy bags under his eyes, the wave of darkness surrounding him. It didn't suit him- and that wasn't because of any sort of idealistic view of him always having to be happy, because inside, Shuuya had flickers of memories that were so overwhelming and dismal and deep that he could feel himself drowning every time his boyfriend's eyes would hesitate on cards during Mother's Day, and his breathing pick up every time there was a mention of a burglary in the neighborhood. Rather, it was more that he deserved to be happy. Shuuya and happiness went hand in hand.

"You're staring off into space, Shintaro," Shuuya noted dully, dropping off the affectionate nickname.

"I know. Sorry," He replied quietly, before moving over to brush his shoulder against the other's. "Do you think she'll be happy with the cranes...? We messed up a few of them."

Shuuya managed a small, weak grin.

"Ayano would be happy to get anything handmade. She was like that!" Was, as in past tense.

They walked in silence, the swirling wind rustling around them.

There was no one at the graveyard when they arrived.

Her grave was just one of many in the field, one story in an entire book of blissful, tragic memories.

They stood.

Nothing happened when they approached her. She didn't speak, the world didn't crumble. It remained as stagnant as ever, perhaps more so.

Slowly, Shintaro swallowed the lump growing in his throat as he kneeled down onto the flat ground where she lay. Shuuya stood behind him, seemingly petrified, before following and sitting down next to him.

“Hi, Sis.”

“... Sis?”

“I call her Sis.”

Noting the present tense form of his verb- call, not called- Shintaro nodded briefly and settled into the earth. And the longer he stared at her name engraved into the rock, the more he felt as if the sky was falling, the clouds pressing him down into the core of the earth and laughing at him. His chest heaved. He couldn't breathe. Everything was so tight, so painful, so unbearably hot and unbearably cold all at once, and everything was spinning around him until Shuuya broke the silence with a shaky exhale.

“We brought you things, Sis! Look... cranes, plenty of them! They’re a little...” He laughed a bit, nervously, his hand instinctually darting to the back of his head as he looked off in embarrassment. “Well, we’re not the best at origami! Not like you were.”

Shintaro nodded once, taking out the paper cranes from the plastic bag and setting them onto the ground, making sure the grave blocked the force of the wind, because although they were cranes, it would be a problem if they actually “flew” away.

“Right, right... Ayano, we also brought flowers...” He cleared his throat, swallowing the thick lump that was making it rather hard to breathe. “Um... Shuuya, what kind of flowers did we get?”

Shuuya made a face.

“Flower kind.”

“You don’t know what flowers we got?” Shintaro asked with an edge of annoyance. Shuuya made another face.

“Are you actually getting angry at me for not knowing what flowers we bought?” Shuuya laughed bitterly, his amber eyes glinting dangerously against the sunset.

They looked at each other.

Ayano didn’t say anything.

With shaking fingers, the blond set down the bouquet of flowers right next to her name, aligning it perfectly.

They sat in silence.

“... I’m sorry, Shuuya. I overreacted. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No, no, I’m sorry. I should have known; this is so important, and I don’t even know what kind of flowers we gave her...!”

Shintaro’s brows furrowed as he turned to look at the boy, who was curling in on himself and digging his nails into his forearms. The red, angry marks were visible in the dim lighting. Gently, he took the other’s hands, pulled them away from himself and took him in his own.

A bird flew onto a nearby stone.

“... I miss her, Shintaro. I really miss her.”

“I know. I know, I know, I know. I want her back, too. But she’s... she’s...” He cleared his throat. “Ayano is dead. She isn’t coming back.”

The other’s head snapped up to glare at him almost immediately.

“Don’t say that! Don’t call her dead!” Shuuya yelled, his voice desperate and broken. The kind of voice that he could hear himself screaming in for two years straight, the small walls of his room containing his anguish. The more he yelled, the smaller he seemed. His eyes were bloodshot and filled to the brim with tears threatening to spill over and flood the grounds of the cemetery. “Don’t... don’t call her dead.”

Shintaro instinctively pulled the boy to him, burying the boy’s face into his chest and holding him tight. He could feel the warm breath from the other, feel the trembling motions that wracked his entire body, feel every single one of the hot tears that soaked through his shirt as Shuuya cried against him, loud and pained. The sort of soft sobbing that TV shows portray when a character is grieving didn’t do the real thing justice; it’s not nearly as loud. It’s not nearly as heart wrenching. The boy screamed against his chest, calling out her name, his fingers curling against the fabric as he tugged him closer. Shuuya’s voice- no, that wasn’t right. Shuuya’s screams were raw. Painful. Broken. Just like him.

Slowly, he brought a hand to his hair, running the tips of his fingers through the messy blond locks.

His own emotions, wet and warm and dripping down his face, made him shiver, his head unsteady as his body shook.

With a trembling, barely there voice, he spoke.

“I miss her too, Shuuya.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

    It was night.

         It was dark.

              They were in Shuuya’s room.

                    They were alone.

Shuuya had started it, really. When he had reluctantly stood to get up and leave, saying that his mom would be worried about him, the boy pulled him down and pressed their lips together rather forcefully, his voice low and serious, which was something he was accustomed to hearing ever since the so called deceiver had put the brakes (mostly) on his “deceiving”.

“Stay here.”

Shintaro audibly gulped.

“O-Okay...”

Shuuya giggled- he giggled, he really really giggled and it was so damn adorable that he wanted to just pin him down and attack him with as many kisses as humanly possible- and gave him a lopsided grin.

“You stuttered, I heard that.”

“Shut up, I did not...”

“Wow, you’re so mean! I’m really offended!” He laughed, snuggling close to him and kissing his shoulder lightly.

Shintaro snorted, flopping down onto his back, bringing the boy toppling down on top of him.

“Yeah, that’s why you’re kissing me, right?”

Shuuya balked, shaking his head vigorously.

“Shut up.”

“Ouch, that really hurt... Right in my heart.”

“Your cold, dead heart, Shin?”

“Yeah, right in my hole of a chest. Somewhere in there.”

Shuuya rolled over, turning them onto their sides and facing him, his eyes narrowing a bit. Tentatively, he reached forwards and tugged on the front of his black shirt, his thumbs curling around the soft fabric. Shintaro’s cheeks instinctively heated.

Yet, he leaned forward before he even had time to think about what they were going to be doing, his lips molding against Shuuya’s, who eagerly responded and entwined their legs together, his sock nudging up the fabric of his loose jeans.

“Hey, um...” He reluctantly broke the kiss to speak, his breathing already rather labored. “Shuuya, do you want to...?”

“Yeees.” His response was almost immediate. Just how long had he been planning this?

“Have you done this before?”

Shuuya stared at him dully, raising an eyebrow. He gulped.

“Right, right, s-sorry, that was probably a stupid question, it’s just... Yeah...” Shintaro stuttered, his hands tentatively reaching to grip around the boy’s waist. “You’re too shy for that sort of thing.”

“Ah, well... Yeah. I wish I could deny it, but you’re definitely right about that...” He closed his eyes, flushing. “But you know I trust you and all that, so I want to do it with you.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“... Yeah.”

“I, uh... Okay, let’s... Let’s get started...!” Shintaro nodded once, with a look of fierce determination before tentatively pressing his lips to the other’s surprised mouth, in contrast to the boldness he had appeared to have before. Shuuya shifted around like he was going to pull away, but ended up just laughing against his mouth and tugging him closer, his hands gripping the back of Shintaro’s neck.

Shuuya kissed softly, slowly, deeply. He never cut corners when they were kissing- though, Shintaro wasn’t exactly sure what  _cutting corners_ meant when it came to kissing. Still, that’s what Shuuya had proudly proclaimed once before, and he couldn’t really argue with that logic. He kissed like he actually  _meant_ something- a feeling Shintaro wasn’t used to.

His brain slowly turned to static as he moved to lay on top of the boy, his fingers trembling around the fistfuls of sheets he had grabbed anxiously during the course of the kissing, though he wasn't sure when, exactly.

It was almost impossible to focus on self-control, not when he had this attractive blond boy beneath him, not when he was making noises with every single movement, not when he gasped when Shintaro’s hand slid under the fabric of his shirt.

Shintaro parted briefly away from him to take a quick breath before diving back in and kissing him eagerly, his tongue pressing against the other’s lips a bit forcefully.

At least, it was forceful until he noticed that Shuuya wasn’t exactly being responsive anymore.

Opening his eyes, he nearly choked at the sight of his boyfriend-  _asleep._

Shintaro balked, staring down at him and poking his cheek, just to make sure his eyes weren’t playing some sort of cruel trick on him. This... This couldn’t be happening... He had come so far. He was so close, and yet...

“Shuuya?”

No response. He poked his cheek again.

“Shuuya? Are you really asleep?”

He nudged him lightly, and gaining no response once more, he sighed and rolled off of him, curling his legs around Shuuya’s lower half and snuggling close to him.

“... You must have been tired.”

And in the end, they could end up having sex at any point in the future, really. It didn’t matter if it was tomorrow or three years from then. Shuuya getting rest was infinitely more important than his sexual urges. Absent-mindedly, Shintaro moved his hand over to run his fingers through the other’s hair. It was becoming a bit of a habit now, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Even though he was sleeping, Shuuya leaned into the touch and shifted closer, resting his head against Shintaro’s shoulder. He wasn’t entirely sure, but after briefly over viewing the state of their relationship, he could almost say for certain that Shuuya was leaning into his touches out of instinct at this point. The thought made him feel warm inside.

Before he knew it, Shintaro was also asleep. And his jeans were uncomfortably hot and he hadn’t even washed his face or brushed his teeth, but it didn’t matter, not as long as Shuuya was asleep next to him.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

      “Fuck, fuck, fuck,  _fuck_ -” Shuuya’s dirty words were cut off with a loving bite to his lower lip, which in turn made him gasp and thrash around on the sheets.

Shintaro backed away, licking his lips and staring down at the sight before him, his head spinning.

Shuuya’s clothes were haphazardly strewn along the floor next to his bed, somewhere far enough away from Tono so that she wouldn’t get confused and start nibbling on them. (Even though he had to admit, that would be pretty cute, and Shuuya wouldn’t have to put on clothes ever again. Or even better, the only clothes available to him would be Shintaro’s own.)

“It’s a good thing my mom isn’t home,” Shintaro mused, nodding to himself as he stripped off his own shirt.

“Don’t talk about your mom during sex. That’s weird. I wouldn’t talk about  _my_ mom during sex,” Shuuya said proudly, even though his hair was messy and his face was flushed and he was practically thrusting his hips into the air to get more of Shintaro’s touch.

“You just did, Shuuya...” Shintaro frowned, tugging down his pants and boxers, noting how the boy stared at him almost hungrily.

“Oh, shit. Okay. Well, ignore that, then...! Just get back over here already.”

He barely needed to focus on how they had sex anymore, for they had apparently settled into a rhythm. He knew what Shuuya didn’t like, he knew where to touch him and kiss him and bite him to make him scream. (And he actually  _did_ scream- which was a lovely little discovery.)

Shuuya bucked his hips down onto his slick fingers, his body trembling and hot and way out of Shintaro’s league, but he wasn’t complaining in the slightest.

Shintaro thrust into him slow and rhythmlessly, still adjusting to the feeling of being  _inside_ someone, being  _inside Shuuya, fucking Shuuya, feeling his pretty, long legs lift up to rest on his shoulders-_

“Faster.” The boy stuttered out between moans, his hand sliding down to stroke himself before Shintaro smacked it out of the way and grabbed onto his length himself, pressing his thumb against the tip and timing his thrusts in compliance to Shuuya’s demands. “Harder... Harder, I want it harder, please, Shin, I want it harder, I-”

Shintaro’s cheeks heated even further. He couldn’t catch a break after  _accidentally_ letting it slip that he thought begging was a major turn on.

“Okay,” He murmured, his breathing uneven and labored against the other’s mouth. “Whatever you say.”

He had never really been one to follow orders, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t ever say no to something Shuuya asked him-  _begged him-_  to do.

Instinctively, he moved his free hand to Shuuya’s hair, tangling his fingers in its softness and tugging harshly, biting on the boy’s neck and flicking his tongue over the mark he had left.

Shuuya writhed against the sheets, arching his back and eagerly pushing back against each of his thrusts, his head tilted back and gasping, moaning, screaming.

_“More, more, pull my hair more, Shin, fuck, please pull it, please, I need you, please, please, please, please...”_

Begging really was awesome.

Shintaro nodded hastily, muffling Shuuya’s pleads with a rather sloppy kiss and pulling his locks once more, speeding up the motions of his wrist, even though it was beginning to cramp a bit.

When Shuuya came, he was screaming and swearing and yelling Shintaro’s name, spilling himself over his boyfriend’s hand and digging his nails into his back. The sight was enough to push him over the edge, but the noises Shuuya was making made him fairly sure that he had died and was on course to heaven. Or maybe it was a dying dream. A very, very nice dying dream.

Shintaro had never come harder in his life.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“I’m not going to get sick if I kiss you when you’re sick!” He said.

“Let me kiss you!” He said.

He was wrong. Shuuya was very wrong, and now he was very sick. And very much on the couch, laying there like a lump. A very hot lump. And by that, he meant that he had a fever, not that he was attractive. But he was attractive, because Shuuya was an attractive person, and... Basically, Shuuya was sick.

“Are you okay?” Shintaro asked, bringing the boy over a cup of tea. Chocolate mint tea, to be exact. With honey. After months and months of dating, of course he would know about his little sweet tooth. Although, little was an understatement when it came to Shuuya’s affinity for sweets.

Shuuya moaned.

“I feel like death. Shin, help me. I’m seeing the light...” He reached out with one hand towards Shintaro, before pulling it back. “Ah, wait. That’s just you.”

Shintaro couldn’t help but chuckle as he leaned down to kiss the boy’s forehead.

“I can’t believe you have the energy to flirt with me right now. You have a fever.” He said, smiling despite himself.

The sick boy grinned, giving him a thumbs up. Shintaro swatted at Shuuya’s hand, shaking his head.

“No thumbs up. Take your tea,” He said, nudging the cup towards him. “And then you need to take a shower. You look really sweaty.”

Shuuya nodded, and yawned as he took the cup in both hands.

“I am really sweaty... It’s gross, y’know.”

“Not too gross. You still smell good...” Shintaro hummed, running his hand through the boy’s locks and twisting a piece around his index finger. Shuuya immediately relaxed underneath him, his eyes sliding shut as he hummed in contentment. He looked so tranquil. So peaceful. Shintaro raised an eyebrow. “By the way... you have a thing for this, don’t you? For having your hair touched? What’s up with that?”

“Ah... Ah...? What did you say?” The boy hummed, his cheeks turning a bright red as he nudged his head towards his palm rather enthusiastically.

Shintaro shrugged, moving over to pull the other’s rather heated body onto his lap and squeeze him around his waist, taking special care to keep his hand buried within his blond hair.

“I said,” He kissed the shell of his ear quietly, the blond humming beneath his lips. “You really seem to have a thing for having your hair touched and played with.”

“Maybe a little...”

“Maybe more than a little?”

“Maybe. I don’t know, just keep doing it! It feels really nice.”

So naturally, Shintaro had no choice to oblige. The boy had him completely, utterly wrapped around his finger.

Love was so strange.

Shuuya was his moon, his sun, his stars. His entire being lit up a room, and while he hadn’t noticed it before, he had a feeling that it was always like that. He always had a knack for lightening the atmosphere in the room, even when it was heavy and thick and no one wanted to talk. Even when he didn’t want to talk, which Shintaro wagered was quite often. Shuuya never let himself feel, all for what he believed was the sake of other people.

Why hadn’t he seen it before?

It was corny, really, but maybe he was just a corny person.

Time would stop, and he would be happy. Shuuya Kano would be happy.

“Shuuya. I love you.”

“Huh?” His eyes slowly opened, before he melted into that grin that he wore constantly now. It came to him without any effort. “Love you, too!”

Shintaro shook his head.

“No, I mean it. I really, really... love you.”

Shuuya went silent, his face flushing as he turned over and buried his face into Shintaro’s shoulder, shaking his head rapidly. He could feel the heat from his cheeks even through the thin fabric of his shirt.

“Stop that, I’m really, really going to die! Honestly, you’re going to make me have a heart attack...”

Shintaro grinned.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

     “I’m bored of this. It’s so tiring watching you scrambling around like this, pathetically clinging onto the last bits of your life.”

Shuuya had the nerve to glare at the... thing staring up at him, his irises flickering red.

“You’re glaring at me...? How... disgusting. Scum like you have no right to do such a thing.” One of it’s black, disembodied... limbs? No, snakes... They were snakes. Definitely snakes. Shintaro could see the red glints of their eyes. The thing’s snake slithered down at a speed that made his head spin, sinking its fangs into Shuuya’s neck.

It wasn’t so much a scream that came from the boy’s mouth as it was a  _noise_ , a primal sound that sent shivers up his spine and made his ears ring. It was a sound of pain. Of fear.

The fear of approaching death.

Shintaro struggled against his bindings, pushing himself through the thick black confines of the rope holding him against the pillar. They spread apart easily, perhaps a bit too easily. Maybe they were mocking him. Even as he stood, his legs only inched forwards, stumbling over themselves and nearly falling over the shells of what used to be Tsubomi Kido and Hibiya Amamiya.

He could see Shuuya twitching in pain, his limbs stiffening and thrashing around erratically.

“That’s more like it, isn’t it? It’s better like this,” It said. “You’ve been nothing but a hassle to me, ever since the beginning. And I don’t need you anymore.”

No matter how fast he ran, he never seemed to get closer. Shuuya was so far away, and yet he was just out of his reach.

“Can’t you see how everyone has to commit themselves to tolerating you?” It laughed. The vibrations nearly shook the floor. Shuuya twitched in agony, tears visibly streaming down his bloodied face. “This is your true self- Scared. Helpless. Useless.”

A smirk twisted on its face.

“Unloved.”

Shintaro ran.

The thing pulled out a gun, aiming at the boy’s head.

Shuuya screamed- whether it was out of pain, agony, or a mixture of both, Shintaro would never know.- before being cut off by a deafeningly loud bang.

Shintaro wasn’t fast enough to reach him, he wasn’t fast enough to stop the thing, he wasn’t fast enough to catch Shuuya’s lifeless body as it hit the ground.

The thing sneered as he crawled his way over, for his knees had given way at the sight.

“Shintaro Kisaragi. I was going to save you for last this time around. She won’t rewind if I don’t give her a unique show every time, you know.”

He ignored it.

Shaking, his hands came to touch Shuuya’s shoulders, before sliding up to his stained hood, which was now a sickening duo of black and red. His trembling fingers pulled down the fabric, just barely brushing against the wound on the side of his head.

“How strange! You’re taking care of this boy’s body? He lied to you. He put you through everything, and you don’t care? You were never even hurt by it? Humans truly are pathetic, weak-minded creatures.”

That wasn’t true. If Shuuya was alive, he’d argue that humans had the ability to grow, to change.

No, wait. He wouldn’t do that. He would yell, he would scream. He would attack him, maybe glare even more forcefully than he had before. He would be livid in his rage.

Or maybe... Maybe... Shuuya would just cry.

“I was hurt,” Shintaro croaked. acknowledging the creature’s presence. “But I don’t care.”

It laughed.

Shintaro’s hands seemingly had a mind of their own, one working its way through Shuuya’s locks, the other closing the other’s eyelids. He couldn’t bare to see that glassy expression any longer. Predictably, the monster laughed even harder.

His brain blocked out the noise, focused on the feeling of Shuuya’s hair under his fingertips, focused on how his head was still warm and his fingers weren’t stiff just yet. Shintaro intertwined his own with them.

Everything was static. His breathing came out in short, unsteady intervals as his chest tightened and he bit his lip to contain the tears. Of course, it didn’t work.

People never described dying like this. Dying in movies was long, drawn out. There were tears, but no regrets. The couple could kiss. Dying in books was described in details through pages and pages of sadness. The couple would be able to move on.

Dying wasn’t ever described as instantaneous. Dying wasn’t supposed to be the boy who just wanted to protect everyone being shot and told that he was unloved.

It was unfair.

There were so many things he had wanted to tell him, so many things that would go unsaid, like how he always loved the way his eyes lit up whenever he was eating something sweet, or how flustered he always became whenever the boy laughed or smiled or did anything, for that matter.

He wanted to make sure that Shuuya knew that he forgave him, for everything he ever did. Even if it was painful, they were young. They were immature. They didn’t know what they were doing.

He wanted to tell Shuuya that Ayano was always thinking of things to get him and his siblings, that she never went a single day without blubbering over how much she loved them.

He wanted to show him the songs he was making.

He wanted to tell him so many things.

He wanted to make sure that he knew that he was loved.

Even at the end of the world, when everything was dark and heavy and painful, he wanted to make sure Shuuya Kano knew that he was his sunshine.

“Shuuya, I-”

“I’m bored.”

The click of a gun, the cutoff noise from the shot. The last things he ever heard.

* * *

 

“-in.”

          “-hin.”

                      “Shin.”

He woke awake with a start, panting heavily and shaking violently.

“Hey, Shin. You were crying in your sleep... Bad dream?”

Shuuya was there, grabbing his arm and still shaking him, as if he hadn’t quite noticed that Shintaro was awake yet.

Blinking, Shintaro wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, and was surprised to find that yes, he had apparently been sobbing in the midst of his dream.

“Not really,” He sighed, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Shuuya frowned, pressing his head affectionately against the side of his arm and crossing his feet.

“Ah, alright, I guess...” He sighed, before grabbing the boy’s face and tipping it down to kiss him firmly. “You shouldn’t fall asleep in my bed like that!”

Shintaro blinked, raising his eyebrows before kissing the other again, gently pecking his lips.

“You don’t like me in your bed?”

“You’re covered in rainwater. Did you come all the way here in the middle of the night just to sleep with me in my bed?” He asked, his tone teetering between bashful and chastising. “I’m honoured, really, but you shouldn’t go out in the rain. Especially not at night.”

Shintaro rolled his eyes.

“You’re a hypocrite. And you sneak into my room sometimes, too. Remember when my mom found you laying on top of me? She didn’t even know that I had a boyfriend. She probably didn’t even think I  _could_ get a boyfriend,” He sighed. “But she liked you, so I guess it was fine.”

“She... She liked me?! Really?” Shuuya brightened, shaking him slightly. His eyes lit up, sort of like how they would when he would look at a piece of cake. “I thought she hated me!”

He couldn’t help but chuckle in amusement, and reached down to rub slow circles on the inside of the boy’s thigh.

“Why would she hate you?”

“I just assume everyone hates me!” Shuuya laughed, though nothing about his statement was funny. Shintaro’s heart twisted.

He cleared his throat.

“That reminds me... I just wanted to make sure you know that I love you, Shuu,” Shintaro murmured, his hand moving down to the other’s knee and squeezing gently. “I really, really love you.”

Shuuya was silent for a few moments before making an embarrassed sort of choking noise and falling forwards onto Shintaro’s lap, his ears bright red.

“Did you just call me Shuu?” He asked, his voice muffled and quiet against the fabric of his jeans. “You’re copying me; I call you Shin. You just want to get into the nickname circuit, don’t you?”

Shintaro stared down at him, his hand hesitating before combing through Shuuya’s blond hair. He let out a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding when it was clean, smooth. Not bloody.

“I didn’t know you liked nicknames so much... You tell me not to do things when they embarrass you, but you actually like them, right...?” He hummed a bit, brushing a strand of hair behind the other’s ear. “Like how you used to freak out when I would hug you in front of the others. But when I stopped doing it, you got grumpy until I did it again. Is that how it’s going to be with nicknames, too?”

The lump of his boyfriend on his lap made a small groaning noise.

“... Just keep calling me Shuu, we can save the trouble this way.”

He made a triumphant noise despite the other.

“Anyway, you avoided the question... You know that I love you, right...?” Shintaro said, the insecurity seeping into his voice.

There was a pause, which was much longer than Shintaro would have liked, before Shuuya nodded.

“I love you, too.”

“And I love the way you look when you get excited...”

“Ah... Really?”

“And I love it when you laugh. It always makes me happy.”

“A-Ah...”

“And when you smile...”

“Stop, stop, stop!” Shuuya squirmed in his lap, clapping his hands over his ears as his face flushed a bright red. “I can’t take this- Please leave a message after the beep!”

He snickered slightly, a part of him amused at how easy it was to embarrass the boy, before gently lifting the other up and flopping him backwards onto the bed. Shuuya winced a bit, narrowing his eyes at the ceiling.

“The bed is wet.”

Shintaro looked over at him before laying down beside him.

“It’s just because of my clothes.”

“Yeah, but if Tsubomi sees this, she’s going to think that I wet the bed.”

“I’ll tell her that I wet the bed instead then, if that’s all you’re worried about.”

“You’d really do that for me? What if she thinks you’re a bed wetter?” Shuuya did his best to seem astonished, but couldn’t fight the smirk slowly working its way onto his face.

He shrugged.

“It’s fine. I’ve been called worse.”

Shuuya frowned, but tangled their legs together.

“Anyway, about that dream you had...”

Shintaro shook his head, shoving his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.

“Just some old memories. Don’t worry about it. More importantly... I was wondering if you wanted to come home with me today. I have a few songs that I want to show you.”

“Songs?”

“I was... making them. They’re not finished, but if you want to listen, then...”

Shuuya grinned, squeezing his hand.

“Are they about Tono?”

“No, they’re about you.”

He immediately turned red, opening and closing his mouth like some kind of fish. A very shocked fish. Shintaro had to laugh at the sight.

“There are so many things I want to say to you, Shuuya. I want to tell them all to you.”

Silence.

The boy moved closer.

“Tell me. I’m listening.”

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                And so, Shintaro began.


End file.
